The Mask
by MisstressOfDarkness01
Summary: I've always felt hidden. I know one thing. I want the mask to go away. My mask makes me different. My innocent eyes have cried more than anyone else I know. My smile, that I always smile, is fake. My laugh is fake. My act is fake. It's all fake. I wish someone would make it disapear. My name is Mikan.
1. Prologue

**This is the prologue! I hope you like it! **

I wish some one could feel my pain. How many years I suffered in _his_ hands. But then again, _she _did it too. I called _him_ 'dad' and _her_ 'mom'. I felt so alone all those years. Just because of _their_ suffering and pain. They didn't care about my pain and suffering. My innocent eyes have cried more than anyone I know. My smile, that I always smile, is fake. My laugh is fake. How I act in front of people is an act. No one knows, but my best friend. But not even she knows how bad it is. I want to show everyone how I am, but I, just, can't. No matter what I do, the mask won't come off. The act stays fake. The smile stays fake. The laugh stays fake. The eyes still cry when no one sees. I'm called beautiful and cute all the time, but I know _they _are right. I'm not beautiful or cute. I'm scared to show any parts of my body, but I still wear skirts. Yet, you will NEVER see me in a short sleeve shirt. I have _so_ many scars that I'm scared to be seen sometimes. I just turned sixteen, but as people sang to me, my smile was still fake. I said thank you, but in my mind I wondered 'how can they pretend everything's alright?' I used to make myself bleed until I promised my best friend I wouldn't. That was a week ago. Almost every one thinks I'm a ray of sunshine. But I'm not. I can't get over what _they_ did to me all those years. I was in therapy for a while, but I could never talk to them. I, first, put on the mask so my 'grandpa' would stop worrying. I say 'grandpa' because he adopted me. But it was out of pity. His daughter and son-in-law did those things to me. He knows too, but he doesn't know how it felt. No one does. I couldn't hurt a kid no matter what. I, also, can't see a kid cry without doing something. If someone were to hit me, I wouldn't be hurt. It takes a lot to hurt me; physically or emotionally. Sometimes I wonder if my pain is like me, alone. My best friend tells me all the time I'm not alone, but she's wrong. I know it, deep in my heart. Sometime, though, I wish I wasn't. I just wish someone would save me from my pain and suffering. Enough of my whining. It's not good for my act. Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you. My name's Mikan Sakura. Actually it's Mikan Yukihara, but I don't want anyone to know who my parents are so I changed my last name. My best friend is Hortaru.

Currently, I'm getting ready for school. I still wear pig tails even though I'm sixteen. So, I put on my fake smile and walk out my door. Because this is how my life is. Fake smiles, fake laughter, fake act. It's my mask. That I wish I never had.

**That's the end of the prologue. I hope you liked it! Please**

**Review!**


	2. The Mask Cracks

**This is the first chapter! I hope you like it!**

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**Ch.1 The Mask Cracks.**

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Mikan's P.O.V,

I've been coming to this school since I was ten. The mask has been on since I was eight. Now, I'm sixteen, and it's still on. I'm walking with my best friend Hortaru to class. Yuu told us he'd be there so it's just us. My fake smile is on my face, like always. I look at Hortaru. She's looking at me with sadness in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" I ask. Since it's only Hortaru and me, my usual I'm-so-happy voice is gone. Instead I use my normal voice, even I could hear the sorrow and silent pain in my voice.

"Nothing," Hortaru says. That's when we reach the high school part of Alice Academy.

"Mikan!" I turn to see Yuu, Kitsune, and Koko. I make my smile grow bigger.

"Hey!" I say with my I'm-so-happy voice.

"Baka, I'm leaving," Hortaru says and walks inside.

"Let's go!" I say walking inside. We walk into our classroom. Of course Narumi wasn't there yet. I see Ruka and Natsume. Ruka used to like me, but now he likes Hortaru. I think she likes him too. She just won't admit it. I walk over and sit by Natsume. You know, some people tell me if I continue to stay by him, I'll be covered in darkness. But what they don't know is I already him, and it has nothing to do with him.

"Morning Mikan," Ruka greets me.

"Morning Ruka-pyon!" I greet, "Morning Natsume!"

"Hn," Natsume answers.

"You know you should at least greet me!" I say pretending to be angry. I'm so glad my Nulification blocks Koko out.

He smirks, "Morning, Lacy." Oh great.

"Lacy?" pretending to be dumb, "Natsume, YOU PERVERT!"

"You shouldn't have shown me your underwear," Natsume says.

"I DIDN'T!" I yell.

"Yes you did," he says, "But I like Lace better than polkadots."

"Pervet!" I insult.

"Lacy," he says back.

"Jerk!"

"Polka."

"Idiot!"

"Strawberries," he says.

"Enough of your fighting Mikan sit down and Natsume stop provoking her," Narumi says.

"Narumi!" I say pretending to be excited while making my smile go bigger.

"Mikan, it's nice to see you here early," he says.

"I didn't throw my alarm clock at the wall this time!" I say.

"Okay class, today is a free day," Narumi says.

"Yay!" was heard from some members of the class.

"But I'll be in here today," Narumi finishes. We all start talking.

"Mikan, can you help me?" Koko asks.

"With what?" I ask.

"Sumire," he whispers.

"I'll see what I can do!" I say with a fake smiling. Sumire asked me to help her with him last week.

"Mikan," I look at Narumi. It seemed like everyone got quiet.

"Yes, Narumi?" I say.

"It's nice to see you always smile such a beautiful smile," he says smiling at me. I look down. Wow, I never noticed how interesting my nails are.

"Mikan?" Narumi asks.

_Crack._

What was that?

"Your wrong," Hortaru says. My bangs were covering my eyes.

"How so?" Narumi asks.

"That smile is _not_ beautiful," she says, "You haven't seen her _real _smile. You see that fake smile she puts on for you. Her real smile is beautiful, but you may never see it. I've only seen it once since I've known her." I stood up my bangs still covering my eyes. I walk out the door and keep going untill I'm in my room. I look the door. I walk over to the window and close the curtain. Then I walk over to my bed. I lay down.

_Flashback,_

_"Okay, class! Welcome to kindergarten!" our new teacher said, "Now everyone sit in a circle!" I sat down last. "We are going to go around this circle and you are going to tell me your name and something you're good at," she said, "I'll start. My name is , and I'm great at teaching kids."_

_"I'm Ari, and I'm great at cheerleading!" a girl said. I stopped listening because I didn't really care. _Even back then I knew I wasn't going to have any friends.

_"Little girl," I looked at , "It's your turn."_

_"I'm Mikan Yukihara, but I'd rather be Mikan Sakura." I said. _

_"Her voice sounds like my mommy's did when daddy died," I heard some say._

_"Well, Mikan Sakura, what are you good at?" asked. I saw worry in her eyes. _Back then, I wasn't sure what that was.

_"I'm not good at anything," I said to her._

_"Come on now," she said laughing, "Everyone's good at something."_

_"Not me," I said. After school, I didn't know she called my parents. I walked in the door._

_"YOU BITCH!" was all I heard before I was slapped._

_End of Flashback._

I don't want to think anymore. I felt tears go down my face. Why did my parents hurt me? Why can't I be normal? I cried for what seemed like hours. Now that I think about it, that crack earlier, it must have been my mask.

The last thing I thought before I fell asleep was: The mask cracked.

**That's the end of chapter one! I hope you liked it! Please**

**Review!**

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**Answers to Reviews**

**To Blackreader27: Thank you for your kind words, and to answer your question she knows Ruka and Natsume already, but Natsume needs to confess.**

**To love Nat and Mi: I'm glad you want to read it! And I am continuing the story!**

**To gumdrop buttons x: I'm glad you like my other story! You don't hae to wait anymore for this chapter! And Thanks for the compliment!**


	3. Harder To Fake A Smile

**This is the second chapter! I hope you like it!**

_Recap:I don't want to think anymore. I felt tears go down my face. Why did my parents hurt me? Why can't I be normal? I cried for what seemed like hours. Now that I think about it, that crack earlier it must have been my mask. _

_The last thing I thought before I fell asleep was: The mask cracked._

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**Ch.2: Harder To Fake A Smile**

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Mikan's P.O.V,

RING! RING!

Huh? What's that?

RING! RING!

Oh yeah, that's my alarm clock. I reach over and turn it off. I get up and walk to the bathroom. I look in the mirror. My eyes are really puffy and red. I turn the water on and jump in the shower. How am I going to get through this day? The mask may have cracked, but I'm not sure what will happen if it breaks. I remember before the mask, how every now and then I'd have fits of anger and my alices went of control. See, I'm stronger (alice wise) than I let on. I have so many alices I could easily beat everyone in this school. I quickly wash my hair and body. I get out and put my hair in pigtails. I fake smile at my reflection in the mirror. I tell my self _I'm okay,and I'm not going to break._ Then I walk out the door. Today, so far, it seems harder to put on my fake smile. I continue walking until I walk in the door of my classroom.

"Mikan?" I look up to see Narumi.

"Yes, Narumi?" I ask.

"You're here fifteen minutes before anyone else," he says, "Usually you're fifteen minutes after everyone else."

"Well, I got up earlier," I say, "Um, why did you comment on my smile?" He frowns before turning around and grabbing something.

"I found this," Narumi says. He throws something at me. I catch it and look at it in shock. It's a book. It says _Mikan's Diary Ages 6-10_. It's my first diary. It has everything about what happened when I lived with Mom and Dad, and it has how my mask was made written in it.

"Y-you f-found t-this," I stutter.

"Yes," he says, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's none of your business," I say without my I'm-So-Happy tone of voice. He looks at me in shock. "I don't like being like this. I hate being like this. I know I'm sounding selfish, and for that I'm sorry, but I hate my life, I always have."

"Mikan, don't say that," Narumi says, "I, and so does everyone here, love you and depend on you."

"That's where you wrong," I say, "They don't love or depend on _me_; they love and depend on the happy, energetic, idiotic, childish, weak, and dense Mikan. They love and depend on my _act._ Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I'm always fine." I fake smile then I walk to my seat.

"Mikan," he starts, but Koko, Ruka, and Natsume walk in. I pick up my book and start reading like I never saw them.

"Polka, what are you doing here so early?" Natsume asks.

"Reading," I answer in my I'm-So-Happy.

"Are you okay?" Koko asks.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Yesterday you ran out of here," Ruka says, "Remember?"

"Oh yeah," I say, "Koko, Ruka, shouldn't you know by now that I'm always fine?" I fake smile.

"I guess you're right," Koko says, "Your thoughts are fine so I guess you are too." Natsume looks at me suspiciously.

"That's good," Ruka says, "What's this?" He picks up my old diary. I grab it out of his hands quickly.

"My first diary," I say, "Don't touch it!" That's when I notice that there was more people in the room.

"Baka, don't be rude," Hortaru says.

"It's the diary I had when I was six," I say. She nods.

"Okay, Class! Today I have a meeting," Narumi says, "But the sub is sick so it's a free day!" Then he walks out of the room.

"Mikan, are you okay?" Anna asks.

"Yes, why?" I ask.

"You usually smiling," she answers. I fake smile. It seems harder to fake a smile today. That's weird. Maybe that crack was bigger than I thought.

**That's the end of the second chapter! I hope you liked it! Please **

**Review!**

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**Answers to reviews!**

**To: Blackreader27: Yeah it is sad... Yes, Narumi knew... No, Hortaru doesn't approve of Mikan's mask... I don't care if you ask me so many questions! **

**To: gumdrop buttons x: I'm glad you like it! Hortaru and Narumi are the only ones who can see through it... Yes, everyone was listening... Not everyone knows, but now they're all suspicious.**

**To: TECKK: What does that mean?**

**To: jennifer8-Mikan Hyuuga: Yeah, poor Mikan :( I'm glad you like it!**

**To: sakura-san29: Here's the next chapter!**

**To: krmluv28: I don't think it's over dramatic, some people really feel that way... But thanks for liking my writing style!**


	4. Everyone's thoughts

**This is the third chapter! I hope you like it!**

_Recap:"I guess you're right," Koko says, "Your thoughts are fine so I guess you are too." Natsume looks at me suspiciously. _

_"That's good," Ruka says, "What's this?" He picks up my old diary. I grab it out of his hands quickly._

_"My first diary," I say, "Don't touch it!" That's when I notice that there was more people in the room. _

_"Baka, don't be rude," Hortaru says. _

_"It's the diary I had when I was six," I say. She nods. _

_"Okay, Class! Today I have a meeting," Narumi says, "But the sub is sick so it's a free day!" Then he walks out of the room. _

_"Mikan, are you okay?" Anna asks._

_"Yes, why?" I ask._

_"You usually smiling," she answers. I fake smile. It seems harder to fake a smile today. That's weird. Maybe that crack was bigger than I thought._

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**Ch. 3: Everyone's thoughts**

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Mikan's P.O.V,

You know, I never knew how boring Jin-jin's class was until today. I need to fix this mask. Everyone, and I mean _everyone, _has been asking me if I'm okay. They keep saying I'm not smiling. I wonder if they're suspicious. Hortaru knows I wear a mask, but she doesn't know every thing that's in my diary. Which is a good thing. Thankfully, my nullification keeps Koko from my mind. Well, it shows thoughts, but not depressing ones. I'm tired. I feel my eyelids getting heavy. Then I let myself fall into darkness.

**END OF P.O.V.**

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Natsume's P.O.V,

I watch as Polka falls asleep. She's hiding something. I just don't know what. Polka usually has a smile on her face. A fake one, but a smile. I knew that smile was fake the moment I saw it. That inventor baka just proved it. I also know when someone say they're _alway fine, _they're never fine. That's what I always said before I met Ruka. She may have everyone else fooled, but not me. I'm going to find out what it is. Not because I like her (WHICH I DON'T! No matter what Koko and Ruka say), but because it'll make her mad.

**END OF P.O.V.**

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Narumi's P.O.V,

When I read Mikan's old diary, I was horrified. How can someone do that to a child? I'm no longer in the classroom so Koko can't read my thoughts. I have to be careful because I know she doesn't want everyone to know. I wonder what it will take to remove that 'mask' she has.

**END OF P.O.V.**

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Hortaru's P.O.V,

That Baka. Mikan is going to be the death of me. I can think what I want because Koko won't read my mind. Last time he did, well I won't tell you exactly what I did, but I will tell you that it hurts a guy when a robot hits them where the sun doesn't shine. Anyway, Mikan's mask needs to come off. I mean I don't care, it's just that I believe unless it's real she shouldn't smile. She told me how she was abused, but she didn't go in to detail. She makes me so mad! I need to get my anger out. I know! I'll blackmail Ruka some more. Mikan says I have a _crush_ on it's not true!

**END OF P.O.V.**

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Koko's P.O.V,

_Not because I like her (WHICH I DON'T! No matter what Koko and Ruka say), but because it'll make her mad, _came from Natsume. He likes her. I won't read Hortaru's mind. Just thinking of it makes me shudder. Mikan's mind is pure, but it's sort of feels... _fake_. Narumi's hiding something.

_How come Hortaru blackmails me, but I still like her!? _came from Ruka. Natsume and Ruka kill me. Natsume's in love with Mikan. Ruka's in love with Hortaru. From what Hortaru thought (before she scared me FOR LIFE) she's in denial about liking Ruka. Maybe I should play match maker!

**END OF P.O.V.**

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Mikan's P.O.V,

"Kan! MIKAN!" I hear Jin-jin yell. I jump.

"I wasn't sleeping!" I yell. I hear some people giggling.

"MIKAN SAKURA!" Jin-jin yells, "IF YOU CAN'T EVEN STAY AWAKE DURING CLASS WHAT'S THE POINT OF EVEN COMING! CAN YOU AT LEAST PRETEND TO BE SOME THING OTHER THAN DUMB!" I look at him with wide eyes. I look down. I know my bangs are covering my eyes. Why does he have to be so much like my dad? I look up again. My eyes unemotional. I stay quiet. Jin-jin yells again, "WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOUR SELF?!"

"I only have a question," I say unemotional, "When did you fuck my mother and become my father?"

**That's the end of this chapter! I hope you like it! It's a little short, but I wanted you to know what the others thought. So Please**

**Review!**

* * *

**Answers to Reviews!**

**To: TECKK: Oh, Thanks!**

**To: AnimeMango: I'm glad you like it! Thanks for thinking those things and I'm glad you like the plot! I'll try to keep up the work! Here's the update! I'm glad you like the prologue so much!**

**To: Blackreader27: Yep, another chapter! Yep, her diary! Hortaru knows she wrote her abuse, but she doesn't know the details.. Her nullification keeps her thoughts happy... It's okay to babble with questions! It's fine gummy bear high's are fun! I hate finals so I'm glad you think it's good to read this!**

**To: xXxRebel-VampirexXx: Hi! I'm glad you think this is good! Here's the next chapter! He's the next one so I hope you like it! Bye!**

**To: gumdrop buttons x: I'm glad you think so! With her nullification! **

**To: scarlet ammo 19: Thankssssss!**

**To: ashley: Hhheeeerrrrrreeee iiittttt iiiisssss! (Here it is!)**

**To: Guest: Here it is!**

**To: Guest: Here it is!**


	5. Maybe, Just Maybe

**This is the fourth chapter! I hope you like it! I would have updated sooner, but my older brother decided he would delete my one of my chapter because he said, and I quote, "I didn't think it was important!" Well, I got him back. Plus, I'm sick :(**

_Recap:Koko's P.O.V,_

_Not because I like her (WHICH I DON'T! No matter what Koko and Ruka say), but because it'll make her mad, came from Natsume. He likes her. I won't read Hortaru's mind. Just thinking of it makes me shudder. Mikan's mind is pure, but it's sort of feels... fake. Narumi's hiding something. _

_How come Hortaru blackmails me, but I still like her!? came from Ruka. Natsume and Ruka kill me. Natsume's in love with Mikan. Ruka's in love with Hortaru. From what Hortaru thought (before she scared me FOR LIFE) she's in denial about liking Ruka. Maybe I should play match maker!_

_**END OF P.O.V.**_

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_Mikan's P.O.V,_

_"Kan! MIKAN!" I hear Jin-jin yell. I jump. _

_"I wasn't sleeping!" I yell. I hear some people giggling. _

_"MIKAN SAKURA!" Jin-jin yells, "IF YOU CAN'T EVEN STAY AWAKE DURING CLASS WHAT'S THE POINT OF EVEN COMING! CAN YOU AT LEAST PRETEND TO BE SOME THING OTHER THAN DUMB!" I look at him with wide eyes. I look down. I know my bangs are covering my eyes. Why does he have to be so much like my dad? I look up again. My eyes unemotional. I stay quiet. Jin-jin yells again, "WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOUR SELF?!"_

_"I only have a question," I say unemotional, "When did you fuck my mother and become my father?"_

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**Ch.4: Maybe, Just Maybe**

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Mikan's P.O.V,

They look at me shocked. I could care less. I'm sick of the lies. I'm tired of everything.

"EXCUSE ME!" Jinno yells getting over his shock.

"You heard me," I say unemotional, "I'm done with your attitude. If you have a problem with, please tell me."

"MY ATTITUDE!?" he screams, "YES, I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH _YOUR_ ATTITUDE!"

"I'm so scared," I say with not even a hint of emotion, "I'm leaving." I stand up, "I'm tired, I don't want to deal with you, and I don't feel like acting today." I start to walk out.

"Does this mean the mask broke?" Hortaru asks. I stop and look at her.

"No," I answer, "It just has one hell of a crack in it. You know where I can find some glue?" I wink at her before walking out. I'm not lying. The mask is still on, but it's breaking.

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I keep walking until I hear foot steps.

"So, little miss princess," I hear a familiar voice, "Is walking alone." I turn towards him.

"Is that your business, Persona?" I ask.

"It is," he says, "Your mask is breaking."

"Stating the obvious will get you no where," I say, "Besides you can't judge me for putting on a mask. You get your anger out by beating up little children. Are proud of being like mom and dad, big brother?"

"I am ordered to be like this," he says, "By the principal. You wouldn't understand. You're just a kid."

"'I'm just a kid'?" I repeat. I start laughing. "Big brother, you might as well be the younger sibling. You know as well as I do I can handle anything people throw at me. Mom and Dad made sure of that."

"That is true," he says, "You want to help me?"

"With what?" I ask.

"The D.A," he says, "It could be a family business."

"'Family'?" I ask, "Since when have we been family?"

"Since you were born," he says in a 'duh' voice.

"Give me on good reason why I should help you," I say, "So I can make other kids put on masks? I don't think so."

"Because your my little sister."

"And when has that meant anything to you?" I ask.

"Since I came here," he answers.

"Just leave me alone," I say not looking at him. I walk away before he can say anything else.

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I walk into my room. I sit down on the bed. Okay, I need to think this through. Should I just remove the mask? But if I do that, what would happen? I don't think grandpa could handle it. Hortaru would love it. Persona would also love it. But I don't think the others would know what to do. Why does everything have to be confusing? One minute, you know how everything is, the next, your thinking 'what the fuck am I going to do?'. Today has been one of those days. You know the ones you absolutely hate yet you have to live through. I stand up, and just walk. Justing going where my feet take me.

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They toke me to the roof. It's dark out so I'm just looking at the stars.

"Hey," I turn to see Natsume.

"Hey," I say, "What are you doing out here?"

"No reason," he answers, "What are you doing out here?"

"Looking at the stars," I answer, "Maybe they'll throw down some answers."

"Penny for your thoughts?" he asks.

"Well, right now, I'm wondering if your sick," I say. He rolls his eyes.

"Just tell me," he says.

"I'm just thinking," I start, "If I were to act how I really am deep inside, would you guys still like me? I mean, most people here depend on the sweet, childish, dense, oblivious, weak Mikan Sakura. But, how can they depend on her if she doesn't exist? Hortaru is the only one who knows _me._ The girl who rarely smiles. The girl who cries a lot. The girl who used to cut herself. The girl who nobody knows. Would you still like that girl?" A tear runs down my cheek.

"If you were to act how you really are," Natsume starts, "We would still like you. Yes, people depend on that fake person, but like you said, she does not exist. So the people who depend on her, can start depending on you. You may rarely smile, you may cry a lot, but I would still like you much better than I liked that girl who was nothing, but an act. But if I ever hear of you cutting yourself, I will make sure the only thing left of you is ashes." He wipes the tear away. I give a small smile. A small smile, but a true smile.

"Thank you," I say.

"Now, there's a smile," he says. I stand up.

"Good night, Natsume."

"Hn." Same old Natsume.

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I walk back to my room, thinking about what Natsume said the whole way.

Maybe, just maybe, I can take off the mask.

**That's the end of this chapter! Note that this story isn't going to be as long as my other one, and it's almost the end. Not yet though, so I hope you liked this chapter. **

**Please Review!**

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**Answers to Reviews!**

**To: michan-natsu: I'm glad you like it! Here's the update.. I'm glad you like the history! I'm sorry you think that... You're welcome!**

**To: gabsterela: I know, I reread over my chapter, I thought to myself, 'Wow did I really make her say that?' You'll just have to read and find out ;) Here's the update!**

**To: gumdrop buttons x: Thanks! **

**To: Blackreader 27: Yep! I'm glad you laughed! Yep! Yes, it is good to be on a gummi bear high! Yep! I hate projects! I'm glad I made your day better! Here's the update!**

**To: TECKK: THANKS!**

**To: sakuraXnatsume: Yep, hardcore...**

**To: KLP-Chan: Here is the update!**

**To: 44Anifreak44: Yep! Here's the update!**

**To: Guest: Here's more! I'm glad you like it! You'll just have to read and see! I'm glad you like her! Here's the update!**

**To: yumitruc: Yeah, I know what you mean! I'm glad you like it!**

**To: jennifer8-Mikan Hyuuga: I'm glad you think it was cool! Mikan was very pissed!**

**To SymmetricalGirl8DeathTheKid: (For prologue:) Yea, it is sad :( I'm glad you think it's good! You do that! (For chapter 1) Yea, poor Mikan T.T (For chapter 2:) They will... She is sad. Thanks! (For chapter 4) I'm glad you think so! I'm glad you liked it! Yep, she did! Here's the update! :)**


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